They call me “Daddy” - a post on the Family Equality Council blog April 30, 2008
Posted by proudprogressive in lgbt, progressive values, spirit, transgender.trackback
A friend of Notes, is now a contributor to the Family Equality Council Blog
We know , that families come in all shapes and constellations and many are lgbT.
Here is a wonderful post by a truly gifted writer theologian and Transgendered parent. A true friend and activist of the Human liberation movement for social justice and just a wonderful person. Allyson Robinson’s work and heart makes me even more proud of our community than i already am - hope you enjoy the read. “They call me Daddy “ She is one example of the many LOVING and down to earth, deeply responsible people, that make up the real world of the Transgendered.
Far far FAR away from the Jerry Springer stereotypes , our stories reveal what REAL family values look like. They include usually though not always, elder parents, siblings, spouses , children, pets and “family living” that is far from “exotic”
Our issues are no different than any other families - good safe schools, happy adjusted children , the safety of our children, our spouses or partner’s happiness, home life, homework, who will walk the dog or take out the garbage..is your bed made yet ?? ..hurry up you will be late for school normal stuff of day to day life..the major difference though , we worry about their safety EXTRA due to lgbT hate in a violent world that wants seeks demonize our lives, judge us, call us unhealthy, just for being Transgendered. Our “family values” are quite similar to all families , the one big difference might be - we know the sting of being subject to extreme prejudice and hatred that is still socially sanctioned and not adequately addressed in civil rights protections. HATE IS NOT A FAMILY VALUE !
Enjoy this post of hers and this blog is now on the Notes blog roll - under living links.
proudprogressive
chloeelise2008
anarchopagan
Erica Rose
zythyra
Thanks so much for the encouraging words, friends! Much, much love!
The post you wrote Allyson really reflects a reality that so few comprehend - our lives are NOT what is seen on Jerry Springer , in fact far from it. To put your children first, and give them the age appropriate ways to incorporate your reality you and your spouse have managed through pure love of each other’s deep selves and true selves shows us all how BRAVE and UNSELFISH many transsexuals ARE.
Also kudo’s to you for having the mettle and self confidence about who you ARE - and how you MUST present dispite the obsticles. I can appreciate how awkward it could be for you at times and yet you put the children first OVER and beyond your own ego and isn’t that just what GOOD PARENTS do…Plus its a great way to enlighten people , in the sense that yes daddy’s and mommy’s for that matter come with all sorts of Gender Identities and presentations - that is the surface -
We do not get Character transplants with the change of clothes or the Hormones..our characters are a constant.
Trans people are NOT flighty per se..that over generalization among many misconceptions is Busted by people exactly like YOU and YOUR family. I love it, on a subversive sort of level because it does exactly what i feel needs to be done…We , our culture need to stop putting Gender in such strict boxes..there is so much “in between” on the Gender Continuum and society creates social constructs that limit us - and deny our realities..ONE big shocker for the less informed is that NOOOO being transsexual does not mean one is “gay”
The work you do , your desire and committment to educating this world and those around you is laudable - you are a heroine to me. As are your spouse and those little precious kids you have - those kids could not have better parents. Our values are as down to earth , our parenting is child centered as it should be , and all the principles of good parenting NEED NOT ever be lost when or if a partner transitions from one Gender ID or presentation to another..
But again - i love the whole notion of the kids calling you “daddy” and at their ages - its all about the love of them and a thought out plan -
so people see this ! Transsexualism does NOT equal Narcissism nor any sort of confusion ..and we know happy parents transmit this joi de vive to their kids. The good parenting hand book so to speak does not go out the window when one of the parents transitions. And no dispite your personal discomfort in the awkwardness of being called daddy at times..Your kids come first for you - regardless of how daddy of how daddy dresses..something they are too young to understand fully at this point. They do KNOW THEY COME FIRST FOR BOTH THEIR MOM AND THEIR DADDY thats all they need to know to grow up secure happy and knowing they are loved.
I commend you for the age appropriate actions you took, placing their needs above your own. So much for the stereotype of the self absorbed Transgendered person. eh ? You are a liberator, a spiritual warrior for the poor and down trodden and you walk the walk , not just talk the talk.
A happy home is created by loving , communicative adults - WE Transgendered people are really just your neighbors, not as exotic as the crap on TeeVee, all the way from Oprah to Jerry Springer.
Our lives,dreams , hopes are often really quite ordinary -
Allyson your story , your willingness to share it - educates by example.
Our LgbT families are as healthy as any others..our families have the same issues and concerns are any other parents/families out there.
What i love , cause it blows me away as a life long gay person who is also Transgendered - is that the lgbT community really must NOW includes HETEROSEXUALS and i love this too especially due to the ENDA debacle - WE are a rainbow. All of us who gender transgress one way or the other.
Society needs to understand and accept - first and foremost we are HUMAN , not some exotic creatures. You do this naturally be showing up and taking the time to write about it - You make us all proud Allyson. Thank you ! I know you are tireless in your love and committment to both your own family and the family of human kind - you are truly a gem.
so big Kudo’s for courage, for self sacrifice , for not sweating the smaller stuff in the large scheme of things. (though those moments when the kids call you daddy and the store looks around and see you this beautiful woman, it does help expand their minds)
It gives me hope for the future because your children who are destined to be the MOST loving , and evolved adults with the wonderful values of love and respect , and their sense of self esteem are going to be our future.
What a lovely & honest post. I do have some hope for the future. I think it was last week that I read a long & positive article about a TG couple in the NY TImes. And the openness to it is clear to me from reading AARP magazines (yes, the one for Retired People) lately. Their long article about that BIG year, 1968, was better than anything else I’ve seen.
You never know!
thank you for showing how “normal” a good majority of transsexuals actually are